friday . january . twenty five . two thousand two is it snowing where you are? i covet other people's snow. it is FREEZING here right now, but no snow. i don't think it should be allowed to be this cold without snow...because then there's no perk. and i'm an american and have been told that i deserve perks. besides, if the school where my work is located has a snow day, then i TOO get a snow day. so every morning, like all the other children, i listen to the radio for snow day announcements. also there's praying. --- wednesday . january . twenty three . two thousand two i have done something bad. being human, i desire confession in order to clear my conscience. i've been afraid to write about it because i think what i've done makes me a very bad person. however, something happened a couple of days ago that made me feel like confession is possible, so here it goes: last week, i was at my friend's house. i hang out with her and her nine month old baby. this baby is cute and my friend is nice. we had some good talks that day, and we were hungry. the baby had beans and sweet potatoes, which pretty much means that he was WEARING beans and sweet potatoes. my friend made us some grilled cheese sandwiches. actually, she made one for me first, and then her. i was eating mine while she remained in the kitchen and we could not see each other. my fingers became slightly greasy from the delicious sandwich and i had no napkin. i looked around me, and in one, horrible impulsive moment, i turned to the adorable baby and WIPED MY HAND ON HIS SHIRT. i think i did it partially because i knew it was a horrible thing to do and since the moment my hand left his fleecy shoulder, i have felt SO BAD, but at the same time...i am in awe of myself. didn't think i had it in me, i guess. to my defense, the kid was COVERED in bean and sweet potato shmeg...not as if he was in his sunday-go-to-meeting clothes or anything...but still, i'm going to hell, right? i mean this is bad i think. i harbored the guilt thinking i would never be able to admit this act to anyone but then i saw mike tyson at that press conference. the profanity and crotch grabbing aside...when i saw mike tyson yell to that scrawny white reporter that he was going to "fuck you until you love me" i knew that i wasn't so bad after all. ---- wednesday . january . two . two thousand two the new year holds so many things for so many of us...new starts, big dreams/plans, renewal... for me, it marks mostly that the fucking christmas season is over over over and life begins again. and it's safe to listen to the radio once more without fear of burl ives. although, i really do like "holly jolly christmas" because when he sings "oh by golly have a holly jolly christmas this year" it sounds like he REALLY means it! anyway. resolutions: - make more art - take less crap and, as always - eat more cake in addition, i have this theory i've been working on. see, i'm starting to believe that life is one long opportunity to become a super hero. note: i will not EVER be wearing a cape. instead of letting life happen around me, i've started to view everything as an opportunity to gain a super hero skill. some skills are smaller than others, but if you pay attention, there are opportunities every day. for instance, with my new job, understanding the way children think, play and use their guile/imagination is a huge super power...and knowing how to cook a chicken is a smaller one...that i don't currently possess. but it's an example, see. and the more i look at things this way, the more powers i want to gather. and once you consider yourself a super hero (in progress), life changes for you. you have more momentum and you pay more attention and you see all kinds of hidden bonuses in the crap you have to do every day. new experiences become less scary, and doing stupid stuff for fun takes on a beautiful undercurrent of purpose. like all of it is some giant science experiment and you are the one who gets to tabulate the results. what's more: i can not be stopped. join me?