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tuesday . november . twenty eight . two thousand
yesterday was the strangest day i have had this year. the first warning sign was that inanimate objects were fighting against me. it's like, every time i picked something up, it got extremely squirrly and fell to the floor. i went to work. after setting up a bunch of videos on the counter, one of them would get pissed off and kick off against his friends creating this nightmare rube goldberg domino thing that would knock over every movie on the counter, the film books, the candy rack with the grand finale being to dump onto the floor the one light of my morning: my coffee. i spent a lot of time on my knees, cursing. then, The Man showed up to do his monday morning business. i was sitting in front of the computer entering in the new customer forms. he approached me to the right with a three-pack of south park episodes in one hand. he showed it to me and asked if we needed it. i told him we already had that one and as he was going to step away from me, he lost control of the thing and PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE. i am not exaggerating. he took this video pack and as he began to drop it, it slammed into my face, cutting my bottom lip and making me sad. i cried a little. he was EXTREMELY embarrassed and sorry for a minute or two. then, he got uncomfortable or something and he went back to work. he didn't tell me to go home. he didn't even tell me to take a break....i just went quietly back to work. * note: it's a weird and horrible thing when your fight-or-flight instincts kick in when you're in a place where you are not allowed to do either. * so my lip stops bleeding and i'm working. 10 minutes later, The Man comes out with a stack of dvd cases.
and all i can think is: if the spot where my coffee spilled is still moist, what kind of disease risk would it be if i sucked it right now? a few minutes later, my friend who had been browsing comes out from the opposite side of the store.
all in all, the fucker got over 30 dvd's while i sat there fighting with items that have no pulse. and finally, my work day ended and i headed for this bead store to buy some stuff for the projects i'm working on. (i bead). i had $70 saved up and i was really excited. i picked out my stuff and went to the counter. she counted them all out and the total came to $70.93. i looked in my purse and found $70 and three (3) cents. i told the lady that i was short ninety (90) cents. she looked me in the face and said: "DO YOU WANT TO PUT SOME BEADS BACK?" shocked, i said no. i will not put beads back, rather i will write you a check for 90 cents. as i wrote it, she joked and said that i'd probably not remember what the check was for when i got it back with my bank statement.
and THAT was the cherry on the cake of my day. the only good thing i can claim is that i now get to say "MY BOSS PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE" in public. this is a really really fun thing to say. -- thursday . november . nine . two thousand my birthday is tomorrow. i am turning thirty (30), therefore, we must go to chuck e. cheese! i have a party reserved, so i get the crown, balloons, cake, tokens, and a collectible cup. i win!! at first i made reservations at the bellevue chuck e. cheese because it's closer, but i was quickly chastised by most of my friends. they said "NO. we have to go to LYNNWOOD. lynnwood is the COOLEST." read: lynnwood chuck e. cheese serves beer and wine. i had already made a reservation in bellevue and given them a deposit, which i need back. i called the bellevue chuck e. cheese to cancel and plead for mercy. i was told to call back later to speak with the manager.
i called back later.
i have CONNECTIONS. i will speak to CHUCK. i am hoping he will have a funny voice and speak using no contractions. if i'm lucky, there will be some kind of singing involved. note - all of the hold music at chuck e. cheese is pizza related. example:
so i finally talk to CHUCK HIMSELF who speaks very much like any man who is tormented daily by hordes of wired, over-stimulated children in an environment that is so loud as to imitate what it might be like to work on the inside of a smoke alarm. he sounds tired. he wonders why i want to cancel. when i finally admit it's because of the lure of alcohol consumption he says: oooooooooooooooooohh are you serious? i have now disappointed chuck and i am bad. he relents to send me a refund which is what i wanted, but now i feel dirty and ashamed of myself. on the other hand, i can't fucking wait for my party. i am thirty. i am glorious. -- friday . november . three . two thousand this is my favorite quote from george w. bush, jr. to date: "i know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —saginaw, mich., sept. 29, 2000 -- wednesday . november . one . two thousand To: paul@runwithscissors.com paul, this is from my dad's nephew (uncle irving's son). he is approx. 45 years old. in the time that email has existed, i became gravely ill, i recovered, i graduated art school, my grandpa died, i got married, i moved to seattle, and my grandmother died. not to mention the countless holidays, birthdays, etc that have passed. i got this from him today. it's the first email he ever sent me:
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