friday . september . twenty nine . two thousand laundry can be fun. this is the first time we have lived in a building that has no laundry facilities and so we have ventured into the world of laundromats. there is something about them that makes me want to misbehave. i want to show my ass to the security cameras or put a pizza in the dryers or wash a bowling ball or put one red sock in every machine or have sex during the spin cycle or ... anyway. paul and i were sorting laundry. it's when paul separates the whites from the colors that i have to yell "segregation never! integration now!" until people get scared of me. it's something i have to do. laundry mischief fills my soul with creamy goodness. i have this idea for an experiment i have yet to try. i want to pick a particular washing machine. one that's in use and whose user is sitting within watching range. so, i'll just go up to the washing machine and stand there, watching the clothes go around like it was tv. for a long, long time. the experiment part is: how long will it take before the person who's clothes i'm watching gets uncomfortable enough to say something? i'm guessing somewhere in the 5 to 7 minute range. anyway...so yeah, like i said, paul and i were sorting laundry. but it's not just whites and colors. there is the elusive and hallowed third category: delicates. he picked up one of my sweaters and put it in the delicate pile. me: oh, that doesn't have to go in "delicates". paul: everything you wear is delicate. me: (shocked and touched) now THAT is what i'd call "a charming remark". yeah, you better believe he got lucky last night. --- friday . september . twenty two . two thousand paul and i went to the puyallup fair yesterday to soak in local culture but mostly to see brian wilson in concert. if you don't understand why you should love and admire him, listen to "pet sounds" through headphones just once and THEN make fun. i dare you. i had never been to the puyallup fair before, let alone the concert arena, and through some kind of ticketmaster oopsie, we ended up sitting in the designated wheelchair section. the view of the stage was quite good, but it was a little awkward. the section was shaped like a slice of pie, pointing to the stage. we sat second row of the pie with one chair at the head. me: (pointing to the empty seat in front of us) that must be where the driver sits. there were basically two types of people there. beach boys fans (favorite song: fun, fun, fun), and brian wilson fans (favorite song: anything from pet sounds). there were old and young and the place was loaded with ooey-gooey love. i was a little apprehensive about how brian's (i call him brian) interactions with the audience would be. he's notoriously jittery and stage fright is pretty much paralyzing for him so, i didn't think he'd talk to us. he came on stage, a little stiff, but smiling. and he was AWESOME! he made jokes and clearly enjoyed himself. the band was thriving (including french horn and theramin and xylophone and all kinds of good stuff). brian was leading, but it was clear that the whole thing was orchestrated so that the pressure was off him. he could relax and play and if he panicked or anything, the band took up the slack. he was so beautiful! most awkward moment: brian: (excited) ok, now everybody on your feet. can everyone stand up? paul and me (glancing around at the people in wheelchairs on all sides of us): oops. but the guy in the wheelchair on my left actually DID STAND UP. paul has been telling people that brian has the power to heal, but that's not been proved by science or anything. the reason to go to a concert like this is not just to hear the music or to relive your past or to gawk at a legend. you go because there is something electric about sharing an experience with someone who's music has touched your heart. it's a time you share with the performer and the other folks in the crowd and it can't be repeated. you are breathing the same oxygen and you are responding to each other spontaneously. the more love the crowd gave him, the more surprised and delighted he seemed. and once the crowd saw brian get happy because he made us happy, we gave him more and more and more. i was completely blissed out. everyone sang along and bopped in their chairs. there were three encores. it was glorious. --- thursday . september . fourteen . two thousand my father sent me an e-mail this week about what to do if you think you are having a heart attack. some kind of cpr you can do on yourself. i read it quickly and disregarded. but now, in my mind i have decided that the fact that i now know what to do is somehow a guarantee that it'll happen to me. having the cpr knowledge will produce the heart attack. i'm wrong, i realize, but i'm not crazy. nope. not crazy at all. --- tuesday . september . twelve . two thousand the last thing i heard myself say in my dream before waking up this morning: "wow. pavoratti has teeth like a brand new picket fence." - fin - --- monday . september . eleven . two thousand conversation taking place after seeing "X-Men": me: (whining) i want to be a mutant!! paul: um. you ARE a mutant.