monday . october . twenty two . two thousand when i got to work one day last week, school was still in session. there was some kind of amazingly loud p.e. activity going on. there were kids running laps around and around the playground and a teacher was yelling to (at) them. i suppose she was yelling encouragement but it wreaked more of enforcement. as i made my way to the boys and girls club building i realized that above the bark of the teacher and the chattering huffing and puffing of the kids there was some other oppressive noise. it took me a minute to finally realized that the mariners game was being amplified over the playground, echoing off the concrete like some authoritarian overlord. i just stood there and watched all of this for a while. it was kinda scary, really. like some sort of fucked up american leni riefenstahl movie. which is what i almost said to one of my coworkers as i entered the building, but changed my mind. my coworkers are really nice...but really normal. i don't think they need to know how my mind works. not YET anyway. but i have to say it: i love my job. working with children is an extremely simple process, but it involves a lot of concentration and tedious attention to detail. i'm not just talking about keeping your eyes open so that the kids don't escape or wound themselves/eachother. i'm talking about emotional care. they watch and listen to everything that you do and say. consequently, even during the simplest interactions regarding puzzles, or coloring or conflicts with their friends, you can effect them with ideas and values that will permeate other situations in their lives. so you evaluate what you say and how you say everything at every moment. consequently, for the time you're at work, you exist in a special place in your own mind, saying and thinking positive, nurturing things...the kind of things that we should all believe about ourselves everyday of our lives, not just our childhoods. and at the end of the day, your attitude is lifted. i have never had a job that made me feel better about myself at the end of a shift than i did when i began. capitalism doesn't work this way. i feel lucky. also, i sit in tiny chairs. ---- monday . october . eight . two thousand one i started a new job today. i'm working in the after school program for the boys and girls club of america. it's very part time, which means i have time for the movie and other various projects such as shrinkie-dink art, and of course, my marriage. i haven't worked with children in 10 years or so and i've missed it. beats the hell out of retail, that's for sure. now i get to shape young minds instead of counting the fucking till. note to self: don't say "fucking" at work. i hate the first day at a new job. you always feel like the staff moron. they gave me 6 pounds of paperwork. my boss explained it all as she went along but it was so overwhelming that by the time she got to the 3rd pound, i had totally forgotten what the first thing was but i think i'll figure it out as i go along. mostly today i played with the kids. i played "go fish" with a child who changed the rules according to who's turn it was. it's ok though. later i realized that the deck we were playing with had 2 queen of hearts. i also read a book with a couple of kids. they picked it out, a book of short ghost stories. i was astonished at the lack of coherent writing in this book. in addition, the stories were like this: the bully was mean to sam. sam asked the bully to stop bothering him. "no," said the bully. "i will never stop." one day, the bully got sick and died. sam thought he was finally free. but the bully's ghost followed him wherever he went. : - o like i said, not really interesting and really freaky, but the kids seemed to like it. at least it wasn't harry potter. speaking of which, i'm sort of preparing myself for the relentless mulling over of pop culture that i realize is inevitable. no one has mentioned the dreaded mtv yet, or even any of the boy bands, which is a blessing and i'm sure not going to last. i want to tell the kids that i have really bad allergies: it's very important that you don't say < brittany spears >, or < pokemon > to me...or i could DIE. of course, i won't do this. but i want to. oh, and i almost forgot: i received a nuggie. i rock!